your heart is free, have the courage to follow it.

Seven days 'on the mountain' with God

The days between December 25 and 31, 2003 were the most special in my fifty year history.  In that time, God showed and told me things that are not of this world, but, are of heaven.  He gave to me a vision of a man (me) who is not famous or religious, leading mankind back to the Garden of Eden (ie that I am Jesus Christ returned). He told me that Norah Jones is my eternal soulmate and that her album, Come Away With Me, is the story of our lives together, from the beginnings of time to a time in the not-too-distant future where we will be reunited, never to be parted again. He told me that I am the greatest critical decision maker in the history of the world. In that time I wrote the following two documents:

CAWM.pdf CAWM.pdf
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I Will Be Great.pdf I Will Be Great.pdf
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My interpretation was that while Norah is a physical being living in New York, she is also God.  She told me that on December 31st she would come to pick me up (my spirit) and to take me to 40 Westt (a local steakhouse and jazz club) where she and I would perform to an audience containing all of my friends and acquaintances.  She told me that my spirit would be in the body of John Mayer, but, that when I looked at all my family and friends, they would know it was me.  On December 31st, after everything Norah had told me, I set up an altar at my Mum and Dad's kitchen table, played her album Come Away With Me and was waiting for her to come and take my spirit.  At midnight nothing had happened.  The song Don't Know Why came on and immediately I knew that I must take matters into my own hands.  I went and got the knife that only days before had carved our Christmas turkey and stabbed it deep into my chest, hitting my heart. Blood flooded out, yet, I did not die.  I stabbed myself again and a third time, then went upstairs to lie on the bed and expire.  I woke up eight hours later to feel a sharp pain in my chest.  I could not move and was barely able to reach a bedside phone and called my best pal, Dave Stotland.  Shortly thereafter, the paramedics were breaking down the door and had me on the way to the hospital.  The entire way, despite making numerous turns, the sun never left my window. The doctors say it is a 'miracle' I lived.  I should have died. God saved me.  My mission was incomplete.     

My path over the course of these last ten-odd years has been towards God.  For much of this time it was decidedly away from the world as I knew it.  I have done three stints on the psych ward at the Montreal General Hospital, the first being immediately following the stabbing (40 days), the second in early 2006 following what the doctors termed a bout of mania (90 days) and very recently (Feb/Mar '11) following another supposed bout of mania (45 days).  The doctors have diagnosed me with schizo-affective disorder with grandiose religious delusions, to which I vehemently disagree.  I explain this entire time as being an ongoing, extreme God experience

Despite my complete disagreement with the diagnosis, I am maintained on potent anti-psychotic medication, ordered by the Supreme Court. I should mention that while I disagree with my doctors' diagnoses, I have had the good fortune of being managed by a great team. Medical science only looks at problems two dimensionally and leaves out the God dimension.  Scientists are looking for their answers through a microscope when they should be using a telescope.

Over the course of the last several years I have attempted to tell my story to many 'religious' leaders and biblical scholars. Each and every one of them has their own view on how Christ will return, if indeed they believe He will. I have been dismissed by every last one. What bothers me more than anything else is that these people presume to know God's plans, while at the same time admitting that His ways are above ours as are His thoughts. God's plans for this world are greater than any one of us can even imagine! 

Looking back over these last ten years I see three distinct phases to my journey.  The first phase I call 'purification'.  It is the time between Jan 1, 2004 and December 31, 2005.   



In that time God very ably demonstrated to me that I was not going back to my old life and that He had a much greater plan for me.   He stewarded and led me to give up everything I had amassed over the course of my first 43 years in this world, to the point where on December 31, 2005, all I had left in this world was a small gym bag with one change of clothes, a big Winnie the Pooh which had sentimental value and $15.  I did not have January's rent so I was homeless.  I had walked away from everyone in my life so I was friend and family-less.  All I had was God. That evening a light brighter than I have ever experienced shone in my heart and mind and God said to me; 'I will never do this to you again.'

The second phase I went through extended from January 1, 2006 through Feb 1, 2010.  It was a time where God kept me down.  Where He showed me what and who He loves in this world.  He loves everybody, but, He has a special fondness for those marginalized in society (the 'meek'), who really have no reason to honor Him, but, do so through great faith and hope.  In this time God led me to hundreds of people who needed something I had.  A kind word, a smile, a prayer, some money to help them make it through the day.  In this time He also helped me through the death of my Dad.  It was an incredible time where I made some very special friends and learned a lot about myself and Him.

The third phase, which continues now (and into the future), is where God is bringing me back to this world. Over the past fifty years He has put many big dreams on my heart, the very large majority of which were not realized.  Now is His time.  Through G3, God will bring the Garden of Eden to earth, and in so doing He will honor and raise up all those who have faithfully served Him and been their best even in trying times.  The meek shall inherit the earth!

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